As you can see, having descended the hill, I still look like me, and forever will

A dark stage. Silence. You’ve been here before. You’ve heard the promises.

Your nar­ra­tor shuf­fles once more onto the stage, a lit­tle older, a lit­tle more bro­ken, just as tall but some­what sur­pris­ingly a lit­tle skin­nier. A sin­gle spot­light picks him out against the fad­ing cur­tains. There are more scars on his body than last time you saw him, but those aren’t the rea­son he’s been away. He’s wear­ing jeans that are not ripped, for he is now more mature, although he is still wear­ing a Daniel Johnston t-shirt, so he might just as well be fif­teen. The glasses are more expen­sive and oddly angled.

PATRICK

Umm… hi. (Taps Microphone). Yeah, so any­way. Thanks for coming.

Frankly I’m quite sur­prised to see any­body here at all. We kinda closed things up with­out telling you about it. Sort of like when that lit­tle restau­rant, the only decent one in your neigh­bour­hood, puts up the signs say­ing they’ve closed for a few weeks for ren­o­va­tions. Something in you knows what that really means, right? Those signs always make you sad. Me? I’m still mourn­ing the loss of walking-distance cajun.

I’m not going to go into the bor­ing detail of the rea­sons why I haven’t been writ­ing for the last year. Those who need to know do know. Those who don’t most cer­tainly don’t need to. It is not a year I would choose to repeat, let’s just leave it at that and I’ll tell you some time over a beer or ten.

But I think I’ve man­aged to piece my brain back together. I’ve been strip­ping back my var­i­ous online pres­ences, redefin­ing descrip­tions of self to some­thing much sim­pler and much more achiev­able. At the point where my day-job busi­ness is more suc­cess­ful and has higher pro­file than prob­a­bly ever before, I’ve taken down its web­site and replaced it with a one-pager. Likewise with my pro­fes­sional site, which cribs the same design and pretty much just points to other things I’m doing.

Cutting down on noise. Cutting down on dis­trac­tion.


What I’m attempt­ing to do, what this place has always been for, is for me to share my writ­ing, my inter­ests, and some of the stranger sto­ries and char­ac­ters I’ve encoun­tered in my trav­els of being what­ever the fuck I am. Which, I’ve decided, is mostly a writer, partly a broad­caster, some­thing of a com­mu­nity organ­iser. I’ve been described as many other things — here’s one web­site call­ing me an arts guru and jack of all trades. Not sure I’m those things, but I fig­ured I best set to work­ing it out.

Look, I hate these apolo­getic returns as much as the next per­son. So I’m going to shut up now and get on with it. Any questions?

A man wear­ing a fedora, a card with PRESS writ­ten in 38 point Arial pro­trud­ing from its brim, raises his hand. He is in fact the only per­son in the audi­ence. I sup­pose that he is you.

PATRICK

Yes, you there?

NEWSMAN

Patrick, what sort of work can we expect from this new rein­car­na­tion of your blog? And is this just a hol­low promise?

PATRICK

Well I’ll answer that ques­tion in two parts. Firstly, yes it prob­a­bly is just a hol­low promise. For starters I’m off to Argentina, Brazil, Canada and the USA for a few months in a cou­ple weeks. But there are going to be things to write about there, from dor­mant vol­ca­noes to the hunt for Sarah Palin, so I don’t think that’s going to get in the way. Who knows? It’s a blog, there aren’t any rules. You might even get some of my fic­tion, peo­ple seem to like that. And the rea­sons I’ve left this blog alone for the last cou­ple of years… well they’re not so cur­rent any more.

NEWSMAN

But can you point to spe­cific con­tent you will be posting?

PATRICK

Oh you’re a tough one. Well, I thought I’d kick things off with a few of the more inter­est­ing inter­views I’ve done recently. Look in the com­ing week or two for inter­views with my favourite film­maker of the out­sider nutso under­ground, Craig Baldwin, about his won­der­fully bizarre screed against L. Ron Hubbard, Mock Up On Mu, and also a great chat I had with Jeff Krulik, the guy who made Heavy Metal Parking Lot a cou­ple of decades back. There are some other things to dust off in the archives as well. I think tomor­row I’ll post an inter­view with Matthew Herbert about his mad new big band album.

We’ll see. It’ll be fun. Do come back, won’t you?

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